laughs and gasps

i have a friend that laughs and gasps when she gets worked up; when her four year old heart momentarily becomes overwhelmed.

because her heart is only four years old, it's still kind of cute when she does it. at the very least, it's amusing.
but her parents know it won't be cute forever, so they're trying to disciple her through it.

the sounds she makes just before the tears come, and the looks that trade places on her face - those are the tides, the waves, the cloud coverings and sunshines that traipse across my own soul. i have been so pleasantly surprised with where i find myself. but then, i realize, or once again remember, that i don't know what God is up to. i wake up from the haze of a beautiful day, and attempt to prepare for the next one. and darkness sets in - or tries to - when i realize i've got no pieces with which to plan.

i'm relieved, like my friend, when my Father helps me.

 until i suddenly remember that i'd wanted to do it myself. 

but then,

then, i am so wonderfully pleased with the end result that my momentary disappointment rolls out once more like a wearied gust of wind.

and thus, the tracks of my soul can be followed - a series of laughs and gasps.